..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
