chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
