I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
