Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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