I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
