I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
