All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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