What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
