You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
