so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
