Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
