just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
