I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cockslap morals
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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