names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
