We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
