You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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