Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
