so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
