Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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