i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
