I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
