false alarm. still invincible.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
