I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
