i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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