Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
