What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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