so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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