we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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