Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
