I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
