laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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