your thong is hanging out like whoa
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize