i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize