um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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