mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
