Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
