he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Enjoy the penises
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
