his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
