a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize