This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Randomize
