im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
