I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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