im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just took my morning after pill in the library
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
