just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
