We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
