pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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