we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
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I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
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Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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