I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Still dying that you shit outside
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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