in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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