Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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