Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
