I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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