GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off