if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize