One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
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Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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