but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
