Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
did you just send me my own nude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
