Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
