My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
