i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can't turn off my feet"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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