ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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