im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
