tell your sister to shave her snatch
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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