All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
