I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
