Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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