I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
