Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
