Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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