loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
