There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
