Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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