i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
