I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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