I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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