Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
