I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
