what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
