hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
