I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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