ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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