my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
