Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
